Three questions and three models to help empower our teams.

In a recent session, one of this group of leaders - let's call him John - stood out with his impenetrable defiance of negativity. No one had ever seen him be angry, shouty, upset, or frustrated with anything. He was always happy and took responsibility for his team and clients in his charge.

John isn't some naive, inexperienced leader. He's been around the fairground a few times, for sure, and remains passionate about supporting his people and walking side-by-side on their journey—especially if things get difficult.

Some of his colleagues, who were also in the room and had known him for a long time, found his behaviour frustrating. But for them, this was one thing on a very long list of frustrations they were happy to share.

Unable to believe that he was this resilient and optimistic all the time, they pleaded with him to show them what he really felt. "You must get angry about that [a difficult and time-consuming process]. Come on. Show us. Give us a glimpse of you being anything but happy. You can't possibly feel okay about this situation."

I see similar things more and more frequently among people I work with or bump into. When I am asked to work with teams, this seems to be increasingly concerning managers. People are frustrated and disengaged and can't see any possibility of change—except where more changes are being imposed on them. It's understandable in a volatile world still finding its feet after a pandemic, increasingly divided and seemingly hostile.

Recently, I noted how much more frequently I am asking these three questions and including these three models in my work.

Firstly, what matters? We need to identify what is important and what just isn't.

Then, secondly, looking at the important stuff, what sort of control do we have? Direct, indirect or none?

Thirdly, do we want to be victims or find creative solutions for the things that matter where we can make a difference? And if it's solutions, let's get to work.

So, ready to get to work?