Stilling the tornado

Ever had one of those meetings. You can see them coming from over the horizon. Someone has had a horrible morning, something has gone wrong with a project or a person and there is no agenda in the universe that is going to get through that.

And that can be fine. Stuff happens. You understand. We are all human and need to get something off our chest.

But the conversation spirals continuously on the event/incident/assumptions, getting into the details and looping back around. It's like a tornado, sucking up everything in its path. If you can't still the tornado, you will be next.

I have had a few of these over my career. ONE THING that I try to do is be a little patient. But when the conversations starts to cycle around a couple of times it's time to intervene.

So what needs to happen?

Listen - this event is playing havoc with this person, so you need to listen. Observe what is going on for them.

Acknowledge - don't do that crazy so-called 'active listening' where you repeat what was said. That is no help. People want to feel heard. So instead, succinctly summarise what is happening in a way that acknowledges you understand without falling into the detail or giving suggestions. "Wow, that sounds upsetting" "You have been busy" "That must be playing on your mind"

Allow the forward motion - Having that reflected back can take the charge out of the situation a little. Feeling heard and understood, they can let go of the need to keep saying it. Being brief gives them back some space to re-calibrate and eventually move forward. Don't take on the problem. Ask where they want to go from here? What is going to help them most right now?

With the sense of feeling heard and little room to start thinking it through, you can feel the pressure normalise and the storm force warning decrease.