A better way through

A client was having difficulty with someone in their team. They were prone to disagreeing with each other and it was a distressing situation. Each would take a position, honestly believing they were right and doing the best thing. Each would respond by defending their position more strongly. And things would continue to ratchet up from there.

I'm not sure if this is anything you can relate to, but I can. And I cringe thinking about it because those are not my best days. In the thrall of our beliefs and our emotion, we stay stuck in our positions and there is no way forward.

We forget to be curious and try to understand the other person's point of view. We forget to delve deeper, ask questions and have them explain the thinking behind their position.

Luckily, a few days before our session, I had been listening to a recent podcast from Greg MacKeown, the author of Essentialism and Effortless, who framed it this way. He said, "If you focus on positions, then you will often find yourself stuck. But if you focus on purpose, you will tend to find a way forward".

When you find yourself stuck, he suggests asking a question like, "Are you willing to see if we can find a solution that is better than either party wants right now? No compromises, both sides have to really win."

By understanding each other purpose, we can find a more creative solution, a third way that allows both parties to achieve the objective.

Armed with a possible way through the impasse, a shift in mindset, and a question to propose, my client is experimenting with a different approach. If you find you need to, why not give it a go yourself.